Why Do Unhappy Couples Continue Staying Together?

Finances

Financial pressures often play a crucial role in why unhappy couples stay together. If a partner (typically the mom) has stayed home to care for children, they may know that making ends meet on their own would be an enormous challenge. Women lose earning power when they delay their careers or have gaps in their work due to staying home.

On the other hand, the cost of living in some areas is so high that couples must combine their incomes to cover expenses. Splitting up would involve tough choices about the quality of life, such as getting a roommate, changing careers, moving, downsizing, and more.

Children

Children may be one of the most significant reasons unhappy couples stay together. Plenty of research points to the fact that divorce does have a real impact on children’s mental and even physical health. Numerous professionals—therapists, attorneys, physicians—acknowledge this impact.

Knowing this, parents may hope to provide emotional and financial stability for their children by staying together. Some couples stick it out until their children leave home and then end the relationship. Others may want to demonstrate to their children that people can work through relationship issues and become stronger for it.

Fear and Sadness

Ending a relationship is an enormous decision that impacts an individual’s entire life. The thought of starting over alone can be terrifying. A person may want to avoid the loneliness of being single. Maybe they place so much importance on being in a partnership that they would rather be unhappy than single.

They could dread the thought of handling more responsibility, or of learning to manage unfamiliar responsibilities. Taking over finances is often an intimidating prospect.

And often, more than finances and physical possessions have to be divided when a relationship ends. The thought of losing shared friends, community connections, and in-laws can also bring anxiety and sadness.

Codependency

Unfortunately, some relationships are so emotionally toxic that one partner can’t even imagine leaving. This circumstance is when it would be vital to go.

A partner may be locked in the cycle of caretaking for an addicted lover, made to feel guilty for relapses or suicide threats when those things are never their fault. Or, one partner has bullied the other into staying for fear of physical abuse.

The stress of these situations can cloud a person’s thinking and trap them into believing they have no other options.

Seasons of Life

All long-term relationships go through seasons and cycles. Frustration, conflict, and misunderstanding can occur for many reasons. Romantic partnerships are not the only ones that experience it.

The parent-child relationship is a prime example of this. Relationships with close, lifelong friends and siblings also experience strain. Some unhappiness is a normal part of life.

Our consumer-driven culture can make it seem like even relationships are okay to swap out for new ones, but this isn’t always best. Learning to work through conflicts and maintain relationships is an important life skill.

People gain maturity, insight, and strength when they find ways to reconcile or grow through tough times. Partners may also feel they have invested so much time into their relationship that they owe it to each other to remain committed.

When to Seek Therapy

Many unhappy relationships can grow into healthier ones with the help of couples counseling. If your relationship is struggling, counseling offers an invaluable way to find insight.

If your partner refuses to go with you, go on your own. A counselor can help you evaluate the dynamics of your relationship while guiding you to the best choices for your future.