5 Common Issues That Can Complicate Successful Step Parenting

While becoming a stepparent has tremendous upsides there are a few obstacles in the way that can be complex and difficult to overcome. 

This is especially true for stepparents who don’t have children of their own and lack the experience that comes with being a parent.

In this article, consider the following common issues that can derail your goal of becoming a great stepparent and give you some advice on how to resolve them.

5 Issues That Can Make Step Parenting Challenging

Before diving into this list, it’s important to mention that there is no “correct” way to step-parent. 

When it comes to raising a stepchild, the barometer for success will vary and depends on a variety of factors unique to you and your situation including:

• The child (their age, personality, potential traumas, etc.)

• Your partner (their parenting style and the amount of support they provide)

• Your situation (is the other parent in the picture? Are you struggling financially?)

• You (your parenting style, your experience as a parent, your ability to not overstep, etc.)

Regardless, the rewards of being a stepparent can be plentiful. 

Not only do you get the opportunity to raise a child, but you can help carry some of the responsibilities that come with parenting, which can help your relationship with your partner grow and thrive.

With that being said, there are a few distinct challenges you will likely face when becoming a stepparent, including:

1. Fitting Into The Family

Trying to fit into a family (especially one with multiple kids) is difficult, to say the least. 

It’s a lot like being the new kid at school. Everyone is already close and familiar with one another, and you’re trying to find a way to fit in. 

Depending on the size of the family, and the age of the children, fitting in and being accepted can be extremely difficult. 

You’ll need to try your hardest to make a good first impression on your stepchildren and keep your demeanor light and inviting. 

Do your best to use humor as a way to break the ice with step kids, as they’re usually receptive to people that can make them laugh. 

2. Being Rejected by Your Stepchild

This is similar to the challenge of fitting in, but it’s really a separate issue altogether. 

While fitting into a family is typically resolved by giving the kids time to familiarize themselves with you, if the child completely rejects you as a parent this can be difficult to overcome.

Sadly, this is common for stepparents, especially if the kids are 10 years or older and have had bad experiences with one or both of their parents in the past.

Rejection can also be a result of a child’s inability to accept anyone but their biological parent as their ‘real’ parent. 

In their eyes, a new adult stepping in means their biological mother or father is being replaced.

To remedy this, you need to be careful not to overstep your boundaries. Avoid trying to be a disciplinary figure. Instead, you should try to be helpful by providing advice when necessary.

3. Competing With The Other Parent

As unfortunate as it may seem, you’re not always going to be accepted by the child’s other biological parent. 

Even if you’re a great person and an incredible parent, the other biological mother or father might still want to see you fail simply out of jealousy.

If this is the case, the other parent might make you compete to win the child’s affection or say mean/disparaging things about you directly to the child or in front of them to taint their opinion of you.

When this happens, it’s best to just be the bigger person and focus on being the best parent you can be given the circumstances. 

It’s likely your partner will be under stress if the other parent isn’t supportive of their relationship with you, so be mindful of this and try not to rock the boat.

4. Conflicting Parenting Styles

Sometimes, you and your partner’s parenting styles might not be compatible. Perhaps you’re a more lenient parent and your partner is more strict (or vice versa).

Or, maybe you’re both lenient but differ in other areas. For example, your partner might use timeouts as a punishment while you’d rather not. 

As a result, when the child does something wrong you don’t send them to a timeout, and the child becomes accustomed to misbehaving without any consequences. 

This can cause friction and resentment as it will conflict with how your partner is trying to parent their child. 

Instead, you should communicate regularly with your partner to ensure you’re both on the same page when it comes to parenting. 

I’m not saying you both need to parent the exact same way, but having a plan for when things go awry and working as a team is crucial to being a successful parent.

5. Finding Time For Yourself

As a stepparent (or just a parent, period) most of your time is dedicated to taking care of your family. What little time you have left is likely being consumed by work.

This leaves little to no time for yourself, which can cause you to lose your identity as a person and lead to an unhappier you.

Given all the added challenges, stepchildren tend to need more attention and require more effort than biological children. 

With that said, it’s crucial that you find some alone time to do the things you enjoy. Go to the gym. Play your favorite sport. Start a scrapbook. 

Anything you used to have time for and had fun doing in the past will remind you of who you are, improve your mood, and make you a better stepparent.

Consider Family Counseling

If you’re having trouble adjusting to being a stepparent, you should consider counseling with a licensed therapist who specializes in helping families.

Therapy can give you an unbiased perspective on how you or your partner may need support. Please read more about family therapy and let’s put together a strategy to resolve issues with your stepchildren.