6 Tips To Nitpick Less & Nurture Each Other More
At the beginning of every relationship, you can feel like you’re floating on cloud nine. Everything is new, fresh, exciting and you’re happy just to be around them. This is what is called the honeymoon phase.
Unfortunately, it doesn’t always stay that way. The longer you stay together, the more you start to notice each other's habits, faults, insecurities, and issues. You can also start becoming frustrated and disagree from time to time. Still, this is normal. No one is happy 100% of the time. Everyone has bad days or times where they run out of patience.
What is most important is that you continue to nurture each other and the relationship. Try not to fall into the habit of nitpicking. Nitpicking is common in long-term relationships routinely, criticizing each other over petty or insignificant things. So, what is nitpicking and what can you do to stop it?
What Is Nitpicking?
Nitpicking is another term for fault-finding. The phrase nitpicking comes from the act of removing nits (lice) from another person’s hair, and in doing so you are removing trivial small irrelevant things. When nitpicking in a relationship, you are focusing on petty, small problems, and complaining about those things to the other person.
The person nitpicking will be arguing with the other over unimportant things, and this can often be done in a condescending or annoying manner. Even the happiest of couples will face some nitpicking problems at some point during the relationship, where one person or both will start to notice faults in the other person.
The nitpicker will often turn to this behavior because they need to emotionally unload and discharge their stress onto someone. It can sometimes evolve from an underlying hurt or dissatisfaction with their partner, and they will nitpick to express these feelings.
For the nitpicker, it can simply be a way of expelling frustration, bad emotions, and pent-up stress, but for the person who is being nitpicked, it can be very emotionally demoralizing and degrading.
How Nitpicking Can Damage A Relationship
The nitpicker may not realize how damaging it can be for the relationship to constantly put someone down about small, insignificant things that could have been overlooked. No one wants to feel that they are annoying, insignificant, or embarrassed, and by nitpicking, one person is constantly demeaning, chastising, and finding faults with the other.
If this behavior continues, then both partners can start to dislike and resent each other, which will cause a wealth of relationship dissatisfaction. So, if nitpicking is a habit you want to break and try nurturing your relationship and each other’s sense of emotional safety in the following ways:
6 Tips To Nitpick Less & Nurture Each Other More
Deal with your anger issues
If you’re prone to nitpicking as a form of passive aggression or expressing irritation then you need you may need to address your anger. Lashing out in any form does not solve problems in or out of your relationship. Instead, take time to check in with your own emotions. You may want to work with a therapist to explore why you feel angry and determine healthier communication tools.
Promote closeness with compliments & appreciation
Again, nitpicking is usually born out of frustration, negative feelings, and built-up emotion. So, you may do well to practice paying more attention to each other's positive traits. Compliment openly and build your partner’s confidence, even if they nitpick you. If you nitpick routinely, you especially need to rebuild your partner’s confidence by acknowledging your lack of appreciation and tell them all the things you love about them often.
Express yourself in a calm and respectful way
Disconnect happens. You’re not going to get along all of the time, nitpicking is not a corrective measure. What you can control is how you reconnect. Express your concerns in a gentle, calm way. This will ensure that your partner knows what bothers you, and you can both work through it together.
Explain that nitpicking hurts
You and your partner may be responding to each other automatically, without much thought. You may not want to hurt each other intentionally. Yet, the lack of intention might be the primary problem. By drawing attention to nitpicking right away, and explaining that words hurt, you can create a more mindful connection.
Take the Next Step...
Ineffective or problematic communication impairs many relationships. If criticism is wearing away the goodwill in your relationship, contempt and a complete breakdown may be next. Seek support soon. Read more about couples counseling and reach out for a confidential session together.