5 Ways to Spot Emotional Codependency in a Relationship
The groundwork for a healthy relationship is having balance amongst both partners. When the scale tips too far one way, there’s a possibility that you are in a codependent relationship.
Here are signs to be aware of.
1. You Need to be a Fixer
Typically, in a codependent relationship, one partner assumes the role of the caregiver. No matter what they are struggling with, you jump in to pick up the pieces. When they make a mistake, you correct it. If they can’t problem-solve a solution in a given situation, you offer a better answer for them.
This may not seem problematic at first. After all, who wouldn’t want a supportive partner who would do anything for them? The problem lies in the one-sided nature of the relationship. One person carries the burden and jumps through hoops while the other sits back and enjoys the ride.
Over time, it can escalate into a larger problem when you start to become blamed for things going wrong, even when it wasn’t your problem to begin with. The excessive responsibility and need to fix the other person can only go so far. Any meaningful and lasting change needs to be made by them on their own.
2. Your Self-Care Feels Selfish
Self-care habits are extremely important. While self-care can be communal, it’s often a time for you to find peace of mind independently.
When you find yourself in a position where you can’t pull yourself away from your partner, it’s a pretty big red flag. If you’re not finding joy in doing things you would normally enjoy on your own solely because your partner isn’t there, it is a sure sign of codependency. You should be able to partake in these activities, even for a couple of hours, without their company and still find that mental recharge.
3. You Struggle Being Alone
Think about how much time you spend alone compared to how much time you spend with your partner. Are you able to go to social activities without them? Are you able to hang out with friends when they are not there? Do you find comfort in time spent alone?
When you have obstacles in your own life, it can be easy to shift focus to someone else’s. By prioritizing them over yourself, you can avoid having to deal with and process your own issues.
4. You Frequently Cancel Plans
When you become codependent, you start to lose connection not only with yourself but to the others in your circle outside of the relationship. You spend all or most of your free time with your partner, whether it is truly serving you or not.
Maybe you over-schedule or double-book your time and then cancel plans with your friends. Maybe you make plans with your family but then cancel at the last minute to prioritize your partner over them. The worry that you will miss out on something with your partner takes away from your ability to maintain connections with your other people.
5. You Can’t Establish Boundaries
Setting boundaries in healthy relationships can be a difficult concept for many couples. Attempting to establish boundaries in a codependent relationship can be even harder.
Those in both roles of the relationship have difficulty recognizing boundaries. The person on the controlling side of the relationship will struggle with respecting boundaries, and the one in the compliant role will struggle with reinforcing them.
When you do try to enforce boundaries, certain behaviors escalate, and your partner becomes spiteful. This leads to further resentment and unhealthy dynamics.
If you’re concerned about your relationship being in a codependent state, schedule a consultation with us to learn more.