Men and Divorce: What’s Life Like on the Other Side?
Hurt, Anger, Grief
Whether the divorce was amicable or messy, it’s still a loss at the end of the day. With loss comes grief and a whole slew of emotions.
Men tend to be less open to showing and sharing their emotional experiences. Many men avoid emotions like grief as a means to cope with the situation.
When you don’t take the time to mourn the end of the relationship and process whatever feelings you may be having, it doesn’t allow you to heal and move forward. Trying to avoid the hurt and anger can lead to the development of unhealthy coping strategies like drinking, gambling, or risky sexual encounters.
Jumping into the Next Relationship Too Quickly
Men struggle to express their emotions and sit with whatever they’re feeling. This is where avoidance can be harmful. When you aren’t acknowledging what you’re feeling, it can result in moving on a bit too quickly. You haven’t taken the time to heal, so you don’t really know how the divorce will affect anything new.
Dating or careless sex can also be used as a coping mechanism. You don’t want to be alone, or you miss having that personal contact, so you hurry to fill that void. Unfortunately, this can create toxic dynamics or lead to future bad endings.
Changing Social Habits
Often, in a relationship, social circles start to blend together. Your friends become their friends, and their friends become your friends. When a relationship ends, it can create an awkward dynamic among the friend group.
Women tend to lean heavily on their social circle and support system to navigate challenging times. Men, on the other hand, are more likely to do it alone. Maybe it’s because you don’t want to share your emotions or because you believe everything is fine.
You may experience social changes if friends gravitate in the direction opposite you. Or you may have changes to your usual schedule while you each navigate splitting time with friends separately. Either way, you want to be careful not to isolate yourself because that can have adverse effects.
Change in Mental and Physical Health
After the divorce has settled, it’s common to see women make positive changes to their mental and physical health. They may get in better shape, see a therapist to work through emotional issues, and develop healthy routines to put their best foot forward.
Men have a tendency to go in the opposite direction. This can include putting weight on, developing new drinking habits, having difficulty sleeping, and experiencing depression. Without a partner to encourage the issue, many men also prioritize medical appointments less.
Make the Transition Smoother
Just because you’re a man trying to rebuild after a divorce doesn’t mean you have to go down a negative path. You can take productive steps to make the transition smoother. Take the time to grieve. Stay connected to your friends and family. Reconnect with yourself and learn the lesson in your divorce before starting something new. Give therapy a shot.
During therapy sessions, we can work on processing emotions and establishing healthy coping strategies that will lead you in the right direction after your divorce. If you’d like to discuss your situation further, please contact us today.